A resume!

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

• NAME: Greg Bulmash

• SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

• DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

• DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

• EDUCATION: Yes.

• LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

• SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

• MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

• REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

• HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

• PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

• DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

• MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

• DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

• DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

• HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

• DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

• WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

• DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

• SIGN HERE: Aries.